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06 October 2009 @ 09:16 pm
Pairing: Miles/Alex, Alex/Alexa
Beta: Shifaa

Hugely inspired by Alex's depressive quote:

"When you are with someone they seem happier in photos before you met her, or happier in stories from before. I always think they do." - "It is a bad perception of self"
From Before
Eat thou and drink; to-morrow thou shalt die.
    Surely the earth, that's wise being very old,
    Needs not our help. Then loose me, love, and hold
Thy sultry hair up from my face; that I
May pour for thee this golden wine, brim-high,
    Till round the glass thy fingers glow like gold,
    We'll drown all hours: thy song, while hours are toll'd,
Shall leap, as fountains veil the changing sky.
- Rossetti
The first picture was a very dark one, no one can possible see the image on it, unless you're the one who had taken if in the first place that is. He remembers taking it with the vividity of yesterday, the first time he saw him.

The first time he saw him he was on stage, trying to keep there the 20 or less people in the room that were starting to leave. It was the filthiest hall he had ever been to and the most bored people he had ever seen and yet he was smiling, that lad with the stupidest face, because that smile compared to all those disappointed faces from his bandmates was indeed stupid.
Through his life, Alex had met happy people like that, so it wasn't that hard to recognize a happy person and that guy was happy, really happy. He though it was a funny scene, worth a picture by the overused latest party camera.

After three or four more boring tunes he approached the guy.

- That sucked. - He remembers saying. - But you are good, you may even play a bit better than me.

- Who are you?. - He said between giggles and smiles all that stuff happy people usually do.

- Just some random member of the audience. -

They didn't spend much time together, a couple of weekends every two months, making bits, drinking, meeting each other's mums, some calls that lasted for hours, taking pictures where Miles couldn't but smile, kissing in some dark corner or whatever a famous friend and a friend trying to be famous could do.

The second picture was clearer, much clearer and full of colours of those daft rooms Matt had designed for the new album. He was sitting in the middle of the room with the red guitar on his lap, smiling, still smiling. Still happy.

Like all best friends they wanted to spend more time together but Alex was this famous occupied rock star who couldn't possibly spend two seconds without being involved in something musical related so he, Alex, came up with the idea of him, Miles, playing in the new album. Not a big thing, he didn't want to impose over Jamie's work after all. Only this song, this short song, only this quick riff.

And perhaps some gigs after that, the festivals for sure. They could spend some quality time together and the idea of playing with Miles on the same stage was enough to make him smile.

However they didn't spend a lot of time, not enough at least.

The third picture was almost as dark as the first one but you could spot the person on it. There was a face, very close to the camera for sure, some huge shiny eyes and the biggest smile.

T in the Park was the best festival they had ever been to so far. Energetic, just like Alex liked festivals to be. And Miles was there and so was this georgeous girl with big eyes. She was in the backstage with some friends, giggling and doing girly stuff. And she had the most pleasant laugh, the most beautiful laugh.
So he, Alex Turner, approached with caution and started talking to her and she, miraculously, smiled back at him. Half and hour later and some telephone numbers written in used tickets and he had to go.

- Can I take a picture of you? - Alexa laughed and before she could prepare herself Alex had taken the picture.

They didn't spend a lot of time together, she, being the kid she was, living in London, being too much for Alex.

The fourth picture was so clear, almost white. An empty white living room and the smiling girl dressed in white just there in the middle of the room didn't help either.

Leaving his parents to go living with John wasn't easy but at the same time it wasn't that hard, it was still Sheffield after all, he was still going to visit them every morning after all. Leaving John to go to London was the hardest thing he'd ever done. But it was alright, he was going to live with Alexa, to finally spend time with her.

The fifth picture had the brightest light of all. Somehow the daylight of Paris seemed brighter than London's. And his smile wasn't helping at all, Miles lying in the grass, still happy.

They spent a lot of time together, it wasn't just a week, it was a lifetime, it felt like a lifetime to Alex, a life he spent with him.
They spent days together from the very beginning and nights from the third day there. It wasn't anything they hadn't done before but there, in the middle of nowhere, away from everyone, it seemed all new.

It was a lifetime, just like living with Alexa felt like.

The sixth picture wasn't dark or bright, it was neutral, like a picture should look like. A messy bedroom and she bent over, tying a shoe. She wasn't smiling at all.

- Why are you taking pictures?. - She said, guided by the click of the camera.

- Can't I take random pictures of my girlfriend?. - He joked. - What's wrong?.

- Nothing. I'm leaving. -

- I'll go with you, I always drive you to the studio. -

- I'm leaving England. I'm tired of this place and of this situation. - Alex stared at the back of her head, finally seeing her arms folded, realizing how they had been like that for days, for months, since the day the moved in together. - You can go with me. - She turned around to face him. - And start all over again... or you can stay with him. -

- You are not happy. - A bitter smile formed in his lips. - I don't think that'll change wherever you are going.

- Maybe not but at least I can try. - And she left.

She tried, they both tried, but like Alex had predicted, they couldn't find the happiness she had lost in London.

He hadn't taken the seventh picture. Some photographer had. He was on stage, like the first time they met and this time the audience was composed of more than twenty bored persons. But he wasn't smiling. At one side of the picture, a small column titled "The Rascals Split Up".

The next day the Monkeys travelled to London for they day off before Readings and Leeds. And like in the old times, they spent some time together in that apartment Miles had bought.

- Why didn't you tell me?. - He said after a couple of senseless lines about the weather.

- Do I need to consult with you before making a decision?. -

- No, I just though I wouldn't need to know from the NME if my best friend ever decided to...

- Well, sorry, - Miles interrupted. - I didn't have time to let you know. I didn't even know what country you were touring at.

- I don't think you are quite ready to go solo Miles. - Alex said after a few moments of silence.

- Because I'm not you? Or because I'm not with you? Because I finally found someone who could replace you? I'm not letting you drag me to where you are heading Alex. I don't want to be alone like you. -

- I... -

- I have a lot of stuff to do here, you too are busy, aren't you? Shouldn't you be at Leeds getting ready for the big festival?. - Alex trying to look through his eyes, searching for that happiness he once found both fascinating and stupid. - And I don't think I'll have enough time to work in those songs for the next album, not for now.

Like Alexa, Miles had lost it in Paris, his happiness.

So he leaves because somehow he knows that just like the daylight at Paris is brighter than at London, the night is also darker. And it was during the night that he lost Miles' happiness, when no one else was looking.

Maybe he hadn't looked good enough for Alexa's, maybe he had to keep trying.

It was definitely a pathetic perception of self but when you are with someone they seem happier in photos before you met her, or happier in stories from before.

I always think they do.

The eight picture used to belong to his mother, she had taken it the day he and Jamie started to play guitar all by themselves. Younger, innocent, happy.
And for the first time  Alex regretted all his choices, he regretted living this life and looking at all these pictures.

- You ready mate?. - The voice of Matt bringing him back to reality. - Gig in few minutes remember?

- Yeah. - He smiled, throwing the pictures away through this open window.
tsukinoyoukaitsukinoyoukai on October 7th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
>O< even so! I can't think of Miles like that!
Duh, somehow for me your Alex is extremely innocent <._. no, how he looks is totally different for me ._. >
fallsaddles on October 7th, 2009 10:26 pm (UTC)

Do you really think it's like that, though? Or is that just another take on what it might be like? Because - and I've surely thought about this far more than is healthy - although I think that Al is genuinely happy with Alexa (why else would he follow her to Williamsburg? I read some tabloids saying that he was 'very excited' about their new life), it might just be me wishing that things were different and that he was still a simple Sheffield lad instead of... whatever he's becoming, but there always seems to be something missing about him. An emotion or a gesture or, I'm not sure, perhaps even a person that'd make me think yes, definitely, this is Alex Turner and he's really happy with the way things are going.

And regarding Miles. Hmm. Even though I am still not sure that leaving The Rascals was a good idea, I have to say that I didn't think they'd ever make it big. You just know with some bands, right? And that sentence "kissing in some dark corner or whatever a famous friend and a friend trying to be famous could do" hit home so very well. It's not like I pity Miles - far from it, he's got a gorgeous girlfriend and he seems to be really putting himself out there, although I'm still waiting for the music. But he seems... happier than Alex does. Perhaps it's just because he shows his emotions more than Alex.

Sorry about the rant. Lovely work.
Karla: Danruninglolytf on October 7th, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
No, of course I don't think it is like that, of course it is just a take on what it might be like and of course I think Alex is happy, after listening to the lyrics in Secret Door that was more than clear to me and I'm happy for him =) this was just to the benefit of the fic.

I like the person he's becoming, to be honest, more than the kid he used to be, it is amazing how the new way the media is developing let us see how our favourite artists grow up and change, it is quite surreal.

And I'm not talking about what I think of Kane =P although to be honest, I do think it is like I described here with him.

Don't worry, thanks for your time :)
fallsaddles on October 7th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
Have to agree with you there. I love the way he's maturing, musically, and it's so exhillirating to watch someone develop like that.

Well to be honest Miles is a bit of a slag. Aw come on, share.
Karla: mischa1ytf on October 7th, 2009 11:24 pm (UTC)
The thing is that I don't think someone should judge a person you don't know and be open about it, especially when you like their music, was it Nietszche? The one who said that those able to create art are above the others, so who am I to say a bad thing about an artist? My perspective of Miles has been changing lately, I do think he's become quite childish among some others not so good adjectives but I..., nah, I'll stop here =P before people start hunting me down.
coquette coquet: {mu} TLSPjellyfists on October 9th, 2009 01:36 am (UTC)
It totally fits the quotes. I like how it starts sort of sweetly and, of course, ends bitter.

Also, I was starting to get kind of sad about the lack of posts on the community, tbh so thanks for this. Made my week :)
carmen_morenita on October 11th, 2009 09:21 am (UTC)
Really touching and melancholic. thank you for this. i missed them.