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04 June 2009 @ 10:14 pm


...Some ask praise of their fellows
but i being otherwise
made compose curves
and yellows,angles or silences
to a less erring end.
Myself is sculptor of
your body’s idiom:
the musician of your wrists;
the poet who is afraid
only to mistranslate...


Title: Voice

Rating: PG-15

Author: ytf

Warnigs: Soft Slash

Pairings: Miles/Alex, mentions of Alex/Alexa and other pairings.

Genre: Angst

Summary: Alex is six. He doesn't understand why he's dad is so obsessed with music and with singing in the room where he keeps his toys that make those sounds.

Alex is six.
He doesn't understand why he's dad is so obsessed with music and with singing in the room where he keeps his toys that make those sounds. They are nice but they also put him to sleep very soon and Alex doesn't like to sleep when he doesn't feel like it, he likes to play with his own toys, the funny ones. And he likes to watch television with his mum and eat cookies whenever neither of them is looking. But in order to do all that he needs to be awake and that thing called music sure puts him to sleep.
But he definitely doesn't understand why his dad likes to sing along with the music, like his mum says, it's quite annoying and he sounds very funny. He's never told his dad because the day he told his mum she only laughed hard and made him promise to keep the secret and a secret between him and his mum is very important and they have so much fun keeping secrets and laughing at dad when he isn't looking.
He doesn't understand music and he's happy with it, he doesn't need loud boring sounds. He likes to jump in bed and play with other kids from school and for that you don't need music or singing funny.
Alex is nine.
He likes to play football so much. He has even entered a team with many other friends. They are funny and they like the same stuff he does. Football and video games and more football and playing games where he has to run and hide.
Alex is particularly attached to this other kid called Jamie. He makes funny jokes and laughs at Alex's not funny jokes. But it's a shame that Jamie doesn't like football as Alex does. He once told Alex that he can't understand why his dad likes such a boring sport so much. Alex didn't talk to him for a week but he somehow did understand him, after all, Alex couldn't understand why his dad liked music so much.
Every weekend he has to wake up with music, his dad sure likes to wake up early. He goes to the stereo in the living room and puts a disc that ends up waking up Alex. On a Saturday. Why couldn't his dad understand that he was tired of playing so much football with the team the day before? He wanted to sleep and his dad kept singing with that funny voice of his.
'Do you like this song Al?'. He usually asks at breakfast. But it's boring, really boring, and the voice of the guy singing it is even more annoying that his dad's.
What was the point of having an amazing voice? As his dad says. You can only put people to sleep. Like this new guy of this other song was doing right now to Alex.
Alex is twelve.
He likes this girl from school called Katy. She's cute and has long brown hair and big blue eyes and she always comes to see Alex's football games.
He is good at playing football. He is the captain of the school team and has so many friends. His dream is to be part of the Sheffield Wednesday team one day. He sure is going to make it, after all, Alex understands football. It is the most exciting thing ever, it's funny and it never gets boring.
Like music does.
His dad wants him to take piano lessons and he just can't understand why. He doesn't like the sound that the piano they have at home does and when his dad plays it really fast it gives him a terrible headache that puts him to sleep.
Alex doesn't like to sleep. He doesn't like to waste afternoons sleeping when he can be playing football.
And the worst of all happened when his dad mentioned singing lessons. He wouldn't sing even if his life was depending on it. Singing is embarrassing and his voice is so weird, so low, everyone would laugh at him!
He prefers playing football, because that's his dream, to be a professional football player and to play for the Sheffield Wednesday.
Alex is fourteen.
He likes this girl called Mary Ann. She's really pretty and she somehow understands him.
The problem is that, well, she likes music, she's really obsessed with music. Maybe not as obsessed as his dad is but she likes a lot of bands and singers.
He's coming back home from London with his dad, aunt, Jamie, Mary Ann, her mother and Jamie's mother. That concert of that band Mary likes so much wasn't that bad, to be honest. When they were playing their fifth song he began to relax, he started imagining a lot of things and he smiled.
If there was anything he liked more than football that was smiling. Smiling people was his favourite thing in the world. And, surprisingly and for the first time in his life, music made him smile.
It was like flying away, it was like traveling to a different land. And he liked, he really liked, the words that guy was singing. And he really liked what his voice was making him feel.
Alex hates his voice, actually. It is really low for a boy of his age and his classmates are always asking him to read lines of their books, it is quite annoying. So now he knows that he would never be able to sing like this person.
He would like to, but with a voice like his...
Alex is sixteen.

He doesn't like football anymore. Well, he does, he loves it to be honest. But playing it seems so boring now and it takes so much time of his afternoons, he'd rather spend that time at Jamie's playing with the guitars their parents gave them last Christmas.
He would never forget his dad's face when he asked him to teach him how to play it. It literally shined.
He isn't pretty good at it, though. But he likes to spend time playing with it, it's funny and relaxing and whenever he listens to records alone in his room, he always travels to that land he visited two years ago for the first time.
He doesn't have a dream involving music, he's not good at it and he hates his voice. He doesn't think he could become a player in the Sheffield Wednesday either. Perhaps he could join the circus one day. That would be good.
Alex is seventeen.

And he's not sure how they were able to convince him to do this. Glyn was good! Good enough at least. And he really sucks at singing, his voice is all weird and low.
And he is about to sing in front of more than ten people for the first time. Everyone says he has an amazing voice and that his singing in the garage is perfect.
Somehow a memory of that guy his dad used to listen to in the morning hit him. He doesn't think his voice is half as good as that singer's and it was annoying!.
He doesn't understand music, you see, he loves it, he deeply loves it. But he can't completely understand it. It's missing something.
He feels Jamie's hand on his shoulder and smiles.
And he feels flying to that strange land once again. He feels like singing.
Alex is twenty one.

And these constants gigs of this bloody tour are taking the best of him. He's becoming so grumpy lately, he gets into fights with every member of the band and at night, when he only wants to rest, he has to face Alexa's rants about that girl that wore the same skirt she did that day.
And then she starts shouting at him, complaining about his lack of attention. And he doesn't understand. He sings, he sang that day. He played his guitar and listened to music.
He's been doing that during the last four years and yet the smiles on people's faces have been fading as the time goes by.
He runs out of the room, shutting the door in her face. He knows he is so going to regret doing that but chooses to keep walking, an iPod in his hand and some earphones already hanging from his head.
And he plays that fifth song. Oasis never fails to put a smile on his face so he tries and tries to breath.
London's streets are as crowed at night as they are during the day but he somehow manages to get to a lonely park. He knows this isn't probably his best idea but he needs the space, he needs the air to breath and the reasons to smile.
And his phone rings and as he sees the screen with the name of the caller on it, he smiles.
- Hey. - He whispers throw the cold air.
- So I was so fucking bored...
- And you decided to call at 2 am?. - He can't help but to laugh. It is amazing, how Miles always gets the best of him.
- I had to listen to your voice my love, to be able to sleep. - And he can almost hear the smile of the other.
- Shut up. -
- Where are you by the way? You sound cold. - Trying to come up with a lie for Miles is as easy as trying to make Helders stop making those bloody videos of his.
- A park... I needed... -
- Yeah. - And he closes his eyes, he flies away to a land, the same land he longed to visit for months, even years, without success.
And it is Miles' voice that keeps sounding in the waves of that island, in the snow of that mountain, in the sand of that desert.
And Alex smiles. He finally understands music. He feels like feeling, he feels like singing with him.
- Let's make an album together. - He whispers and smiles, again.
He likes Miles' voice, it makes him feel. He still doesn't like his voice but Miles does like it so all is well.
Alex is twenty three.

He understands music and football and he likes his own voice. After listening to it so much at Paris he had to like it. No, it isn't as he didn't hear himself singing before but it was until Paris that he actually listened to his voice. He had to. Miles was so bloody annoying. What was the point of listening to the recordings over and over again?
He secretly loved it, though. He could listen to Miles' voice all day and never get tired of it. It is music, he knows, Miles' voice is what music is.
And now, away in New York he is beginning to get all grumpy and annoying again. He gets tired easily and sleeps during the afternoons. He closes his eyes, he fades, he returns to reality and leaves that land when the recordings of that bloody third album get to his nerves and he needs to escape, to run away from that place with the eyes of the rest of the band fixed on his back and the cold air of New York filling his lungs. When Alexa's bed is not warm enough and Miles' bed is so far away and all the smiles are gone because he himself has forgotten how to smile.
He should leave New York and get back home, but he can't face home like this, he should break up with Alexa but he loved her for so long, he should leave the band, but he owns them so much, he should tell Miles I love you, but he hates his voice, right now, again, he's beginning to hate it again, it is so low and weird for a boy of his age.
So this is the drabble of Voice for the prom table of dooooom. It is so happy compared to what I usually write but whatever!. I quite liked it, I mean, after writing Saviour I should like anything. Yeah, I wrote the drabble for Saviour already but it's so bad! I don't understand it! But anyway... this fic is so happy, I need to write some of my angst self now!.
Isn't baby Alex cuteeeeee? And isn't that last part of the last line soooo HP? Hahaha, when I read it after finishing it I was like "Hum, I think I've read this before".
By the way, all that I wrote has its bases, Alex said that at the age of sixteen he didn't know what to do with this life and joking, he mentioned joining the circus. He also mentioned a couple of girls, the football stuff... the only thing completely made up is the Oasis concert part. And well, all his earlier reaction to music, but seriously, if my dad were teacher of something I'd kind of hate it. And if someone doesn't know, Glyn was the original singer of the monkeys.
I need angst, I feel so happy now, damn!.
June 04, 2009

Current Music: Belle and Sebastian - I Could Be Dreaming | Powered by Last.fm
fallsaddles on June 6th, 2009 08:04 am (UTC)
Biscuits. Not cookies. But that's serious nitpicking on my part. Hi!

OH MY THIS IS SO ADORABLE :3 the thought of baby!Al is just ♥

Alexa's rants about that girl that wore the same skirt she did that day. Lol. I bet that actually does happen.

I stand by my original claim: this is so, so adorable.

And the last sentence:

He should leave New York and get back home, but he can't face home like this, he should break up with Alexa but he loved her for so long, he should leave the band, but he owns them so much, he should tell Miles I love you, but he hates his voice, right now, again, he's beginning to hate it again, it is so low and weird for a boy of his age.

Is just. Is just. Excuse me while I go and weep quietly.

Wonderful job. YAY ANGST <3 There can NEVER be enough angsty fics in the world.
Karla: alex turner smoke blackandwhiteytf on June 6th, 2009 07:06 pm (UTC)
I know! =3 Baby!Al it's just awwwwwwww.

I too bet that happens, after reading her "one day in the life of alexa chung-something" I could only find her shallow.

Don't weep =( *offers a piece of the biscuit*

Thank you dear =)